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She’s the Good One

The other night, I went out with a few friends…a rare event for this homebody.

At various points during the many conversations that occurred that evening, it was said, “She’s the good one…” a reference to me.

I have to admit that I was embarrassed.

Why?

I was embarrassed because I know myself all too well, I’m afraid, as do those who know me best…the Mr. and my own children.

When I got home, I told the Mr. about the conversation, and he said, “You just can’t accept someone telling you that you’re good, can you?”

Nope.

I can’t.

It’s not because I’m an overachiever.

That’s really not it.

It’s just that I know the things I think and my past actions (and the intentions that have fueled those actions).

I have very high standards for myself, and when I don’t live up to those standards, which, in my opinion, is quite often, I judge myself…

Harshly.

That’s why I have a difficult time accepting words like those my friend spoke the other night.

Although I am very careful about the “me” I present to the world, I know who I am when I am not around others.

Of course, I know I’m no different from anyone else.

We all have faults, and I guess the world would be in total chaos if everyone didn’t exhibit self-control…especially in the public arena of life, eh?

Still, ultimately, when I heard the phrase, “the good one,” I could not help but think that there was and IS only ONE good ONE…Jesus.

I cannot even compare myself to Him, who was perfect in thought and deed.

And thus, I feel so unworthy of my friend’s words.

I’ll tell you a humbling story.

One day a few weeks ago, I rang up my friend, Barb, and shared something I’d noticed…something that was, in all honesty, poetic justice.

I cannot share details because I’m not stupid in that way (I’m stupid, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I do use my brain).

My observation, though, was twinged with a bit of devilish delight, I’m afraid…which was not lost on Barb, who’d been privy to the back story.

I told Barb, “I’m so bad for this, eh?”

To which she replied, “Naw…it just means that Jesus ain’t done with you either.”

And there it was in a nutshell.

Though most people think of me as a sweet, naive gal…a major overachiever…I’m not like that through-and-through.

Oh sure, you may not see me involved in drama, because I refuse to participate in stupid shenanigans.  I’m getting too old for high school stuff.

The drama in my life mostly exists within my mind and my soul as I constantly self reflect and do battle with my own thoughts.

Those battles sometimes rear their ugly heads…but mostly in the presence of my loved ones and not the public-at-large.

I’m very much a sinner who is very much grateful that Jesus, the ONLY GOOD ONE willingly took my sins upon Himself and died for me so that one day, I can face God but not endure His wrath for my sins.

 

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2 Responses

  1. Love Barb’s response! I’m going to have to remember that when I feel like a “fraud” to other people! 🙂

  2. Amen on that last paragraph!

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