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Not Skilled to Understand

Yesterday was not a good day.

I woke up nervous for my Chicky, for it was the day we anticipated receiving the results from the MRI she’d had on Friday.

Her appointment was set for 2pm Eastern time.  I am an hour behind, so I sat quietly in my room during lunch, knitting and praying for her.

The angst grew with every passing minute until I was finally able to talk to her.

The news was what we had feared most:  her ACL had been completely torn.

Sigh.

I cried with Chicky as she shed tears over the phone.

It.

Was.

Devastating.

She didn’t stay on the phone long, too overcome with emotion to say much.

She didn’t need to talk, for my heart connected with hers in the way that mamas and their children link up.

I felt her pain as it reached out and gripped my soul.

We have been through this disappointment before when she tore her left ACL during her first year of high school.

That news had shattered us, but we had the promise of more years of play.

She came back from that injury and played the next six plus years of her career with sheer brilliance and mastery.

This time is different, because this is her senior year of college.

We are holding out a glimmer of hope that her coach’s petition for red-shirt status will get approved; however, we are realistic enough to believe that this may not happen.  Still, who is to say what God has planned.

And so my heart is heavy.

I am trying hard not to say, “It’s not fair,” for to go down that road would open me up to the resentment that would follow, and I will not allow that negativity into my life.

Instead, I am going to focus on the positives:

  • Chicky is alive.  I can hear her voice whenever I want (or whenever she answers the phone).  I know people who are grieving for family members they lost in recent days, so this gives me pause to be thankful.
  • Chicky can still walk, despite being pummeled during the hundreds of games she has played in over the years.
  • Chicky has played soccer for sixteen glorious years, and she has glorified God by using the talents He has blessed her with in Every. Single. Game.
  • Chicky has inspired so many people with her determined attitude and the fearlessness in which she has attacked each challenge she has been presented with.
  • I got to attend Chicky’s last full game of soccer…a game in which she scared the bejeepers out of me, but also one in which I was reminded, once again, just how special of a young lady she is…both on and off the field.

With all of the positives, I cannot forget the most important one:  that Chicky is a Christ-loving, God-serving young woman who has a bright future ahead of her.

I know she is hurting right now, but I believe that at the core of her heart is an attitude of trust in God’s perfect plan for her life.

Her days ahead will be tough, and her recovery will be painful.  This I know from the last time; however, I have no doubt that she will face the surgery and rehab with the same gusto and bravery that she has used when defending her team’s soccer goal against some of the fiercest opponents that ran her way.

I continue to trust in God’s promises, and though I am not skilled to understand, I know that He alone is wise, and He alone knows the plans He has for my sweet girl…plans to prosper her.

Chicky, I love you my precious daughter.  Hold on to the Lord during these difficult days and trust in His goodness.

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6 Responses

  1. I am so sorry for the news. Isn’t this her last year in school, or is she going to grad school? I was just a little confused about how the red shirt status would help her. I bet she’ll make a fantastic coach, and will touch a lot of young women’s hearts!

  2. I think mothers everywhere understand how a child’s pain and disappointment become our own. Praying for peace about it all and a speedy recovery!

  3. Disappointing news, for sure. May Chicky’s surgery and rehab go smoothly. Sending prayers for healing and comfort to you and Chicky.

  4. My prayers are with you, your daughter, and the rest of the family in this difficult time. God is good! And he is definitely with you! I love you, Natalie!

  5. I was praying that the news would have been more positive, but rest assured that God has BIG plans for your daughter’s life! I hurt for you both, but He is a mighty Healer and I know that all will be well in the end!

  6. I’m holding onto what God has in store for her… she’s done her purpose in soccer & He’s moving her onto bigger & better things where He’ll use her there… I have no doubts!

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