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Never Enough

Depending on the time you are reading this, I am either getting ready to say goodbye to Chicky, or she has already headed down the road, enroute to her home in south Florida.

If you follow me on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook, you know that as our time of visiting draws near…as the days become hours…I count down.

I often post pictures, captioned with declarations of anticipation and love.

I count down every hour and minute until I am with her again.

I can picture her reading this and rolling her eyes.

She is, after all, nearly 22 years old.

I can’t help it though, for despite our roller coaster relationship, I love her dearly.

This week has been another special one for me.

As soon as she began her drive on Monday, I waited and prepared.

Once she was here, I made sure everything I did centered around her.

I did absolutely NO work…simply refused…not wanting to miss a moment with her.

There were things I needed to do…cook for Thanksgiving and clean.

Instead, I delayed my preparations so we could shop and eat lunch together.

And now, as I pen this the night before she leaves (I often schedule my posts ahead of time), I can’t help but be sad as her time of leaving draws ever closer.

It’s funny how the first part of our visits are marked with such joy, and melancholy lurks in the shadows toward the end…raring its ugly, selfish head every now and again.

Am I jealous of her life down south?

Yes.

Oh, I know she has earned the right to live life on her own, for she is now a grown up with a big-girl job…making a difference in the lives of the children she teaches and others she encounters every day.

It’s just that our time together is never enough to soothe my mama heart.

I grew up with a mother who didn’t make me feel like I was important to her.

I promised myself that I would never do this to my own children, and I hope I haven’t.

Though I haven’t mentioned Rooster, his being home right now, attending college locally, has made me incredibly happy.  My heart is a little sad as he heads to Auburn for the BIG game.  He’s hoping to score a ticket but will be in the thick of things regardless.  I’ll be counting down the minutes until he returns home.

Such is the way with me and my mama heart.

It’s a heart that can never get enough of my children…adults now and even more enjoyable than I thought possible when they were wee things.

 

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