As I sit here and reflect on my day, I have come to the conclusion that I owe you an apology.
Today was supposed to be an amazing day. It was, after all, Friday…a special day filled with the first pep rally of the year, the first varsity football home game…the end of a short week.
For us, though, it was also a day during which we had to take one of those dreaded diagnostic assessments.
Yes, I know…it stunk. It really did.
I mean, who schedules a big reading assessment on a fun day?
We went into the lab, and things immediately went downhill.
I asked for your attention, and you ignored me.
I asked for you to stop talking while you began your assessment, and you continued to talk.
It seemed that you didn’t care or couldn’t hear what I needed you to do, so I called in reinforcements.
Then, I think I made things worse by fussing at you in a less-than-graceful way in front of the person I’d called in.
To be sure, you eventually settled down, but it was definitely a difficult hour and a half.
It was a rough way to start the day, in fact, and I never quite recovered my composure.
I want you to know that I sat in my classroom after school and reflected…trying to figure out what had happened.
As God revealed some things to my heart, I began to cry.
It is my goal to become a better teacher every day I walk into my classroom, but I felt like I took a few steps backward today.
I lost my temper.
I raised my voice unnecessarily.
I was harsh when a softer approach would have been the best way to resolve the issues we were having.
Now, to be fair to myself, I have to acknowledge that you had a part to play in how things went down. Failing to take the assessment seriously and heed my requests was disrespectful…of me and your fellow classmates. We’ll work on that.
Continuing to talk during the test broke others’ concentration on what was a difficult assessment.
My actions also need to be analyzed as well.
First of all, I must admit that I was probably hypersensitive because…and you won’t believe this (yeah, right)…I went to bed past 1am three nights in a row. I forgot that although I may think I’m okay, I’m really not…especially by the third day and less than ten hours total of sleep for that duration. I need to get more sleep so I don’t accidentally overreact to things that won’t matter in the long run.
Secondly, I should have realized that because today was a bit unusual…with the Pep Rally and the first home game…I should have been much more patient with you.
I will also admit that I was embarrassed when I called in for help and, thus, probably subconsciously felt the need to assert myself in front of her.
How lame is that?
I will also readily admit that I don’t do well when things are out of control. I don’t go with the flow as easily as I should. I like things…routines and behaviors…neatly organized and managed.
Chaos makes me nus.
I need to remind myself that you guys take your lead from ME, as your fearless leader. I set the tone for the class. Sometimes I forget, and I’m sorry.
I want you to know that although we are only three weeks into this new school year, I feel a connection to each one of you.
I desire nothing more than for you to succeed, and I see potential in each and every one of you.
More than anything else, I want you to know that I care for you as individuals. I don’t want you to think that my fussing today means I stopped caring.
So, with that said, I ask that you will accept my apology.
Let’s put this behind us (I need to forgive myself too) and start anew with the understanding that we need to work together to accomplish the goals we have set for ourselves.
We still have a lot of work to do before June, but I know in my heart that we’ll be shocked with how fast the time went by when all is said and done.