I’ve quit setting New Year’s resolutions because I feel as though they become empty promises to myself.
I prefer to reflect routinely on things and purposefully make immediate changes to improve things…or purposely accept things that cannot be changed and try to move on.
So, let’s see. 2015 was an interesting year. I spent the first few months angry about my VAM score (my teacher evaluation). I consider that score a mixed blessing, though, because I decided to quit killing myself by working all the time and start balancing my life more. As a result, I began working less from home and stopped working on the weekends.
In March, my mom had a brain aneurysm that nearly took her life. We reconnected, and I talked to her fairly regularly for a while as she gave me reports on her health after she left the hospital. Unfortunately, this good will hasn’t completely lasted. We’re still having some problems…the same problems we’ve had for years…and I’m finding myself frustrated and hurt, as I’ve spent most of my adult life. I have to find a way to work through this. I am by no means a great daughter. I’ll readily admit to this. Yet, I am a person who desires to be treated fairly…loved equally.
One amazing thing that happened over the course of the last half of the year was that I began a serious journey to become more fit. I’ve talked about this on my blog, but it bears repeating in my reflection. I was called “thick” by a student last year, and this hurt my heart so much. Just like my VAM score, I used it as motivation to get better and started out by lifting weights. at the gym When school started, getting to the gym proved to be challenging, so I transitioned to working out at home with my first Beachbody program, Piyo. The focus on exercise and diet has completely changed me, and I am more fit than I’ve been in fifteen years. I went down one pants size and have more endurance than ever before. I’m more confident and happy.
Overall, I think that 2015 was about balance. I’ve learned to balance most parts of my life.
I’m not a workaholic like I once was. I know part of this comes from having more experience with this being my sixth year teaching. However, with my frustration at the education system as it exists, I decided that doing as much as I can during actual at-work hours was okay. With the exception of one night a week at home lesson planning, I do everything else at school.
This has meant that I’ve had to quit being so anal about things. I’ve learned how to leave grading on my desk. I’ve learned that it’s okay to tell students that I haven’t gotten to something yet because I’m choosing to be a regular person outside of school. Surprisingly, they understand. I have learned not to over-commit to things because I’m still in the baby phase of balancing out my life; old habits are lurking in dark corners ready to take over again should I stop being vigilant.
2015 was a year in which I became even more self-aware. I am a solitary person. I am not a very sociable person. I am awkward when I get in group settings, which is probably why I don’t have a lot of close friends. It’s been a hard realization to see others draw closer to each other, but I am slowly learning to accept it and not feel jealous. I treasure my time with my husband, children, and fur babies, and that’s okay. I’m a homebody and fiercely independent and do not need to apologize for it.
My self-awareness extends to my walk with Christ, which always needs improvement. This past summer, the First5 app got released. It’s done by the Proverbs 31 ministry and is simply fantastic. Every morning, before I even get out of bed, I read my devotion and watch the Weekend Wrap-Up videos. Starting my day in God’s Word and praying have refocused my life. No, my renewed focused hasn’t made my life perfect, but spending time talking to my Father, who knows me best, has reminded me that I exist for His glory, not to meet man’s expectations.
The new year should be interesting. There are changes afoot in my world…changes I’ll slowly blog about as they come to fruition. Such is the way when one gets older. My plans are just to take things one day at a time and praise God for whatever comes my way. He has ordained my life, and He will be glorified through everything He allows into it.